I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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