I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
