the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
