This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
