I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
