Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
soo... how was my night?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
