Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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