I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
