i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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