I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
