She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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