I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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