when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
