I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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