there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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