i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize