omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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