sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
