she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
