from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I am naked and annoyed.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
