I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We are all done wearing pants today
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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