my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I need to calm my uterus...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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