"it" just moved
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
