What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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