He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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