Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
