Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize