Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
