I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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