there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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