i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
