I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
