lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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