Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
