Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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