I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
