I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
