So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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