Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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