So drunk, too bad you don't want this
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
