I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
