You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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