as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
