Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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