pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
