It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize