It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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