Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
