It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
