Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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