i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
