Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
