Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
