if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
