the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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