Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize