Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
