Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I enjoy the company of your penis
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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