So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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