Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
