I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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