found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
