I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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