Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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