do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
