So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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